The events I posted about in Firstlight are a story I seem to be telling more often. I think I'm no longer ashamed of my past and I'm finding that sharing it feels like cutting tethers I had carefully tied to hold myself back. I read a post over at Segullah: The Scars We Bear, which brought me back to my past, and allowed me to realize that I would never give away the scars I earned growing up. I have learned too much and contrary to Daisy Buchanan, if I lost them I would be a beautiful little fool, the worst thing a mother can be in this world.
I also see the scars I've carved into my mother. Scars I wish I could take away, but it's surprising to me to see how they have also faded. Five years ago my mom wrote me a letter. It means the world to me that she wrote this letter. Perhaps it's one of those things that heals the wound, without making the scar disappear, so we'll always have a reminder, but no longer suffer the pain. It shows me how she is thriving despite all that she has been through, and all that I have put her through. It is another illustration of how firm my mothers faith is and the amazing example she is to me. This is what she said:
Today our RS Lesson was about the letters Joseph sent to Emma. Out teacher gave each of us paper to write a ‘love letter’ to someone dear to us. I pick you. Anee girl I just want you to know how much I love and appreciate you. You know things were pretty shaky after the divorce and I felt like I lost you. . . then Hunter was born and I got married again. . . .I got you back! Yeah!! I love you so much and think you are a wonderful mother and daughter. I feel like you accept Darrel and that makes me happy. I was thinking if dad and I didn’t get divorced you might not have met Mike. . . .I’m not going to dwell on the past but go forward with faith. Thank you for accepting my husband and letting me be a part of your life again. I cherish our relationship.