somebody passes away, especially when you don't live in the same state, but I do. Just like I still feel guilty about not seeing her right before she passed. I debated about going down the first week in September knowing it might be my last opportunity, and I opted to go see Shakespeare in Cedar City instead. The last 3 times I did see her I was telling myself in my head to say goodbye to be at peace because this could be the last time I would see her. I thought I had said goodbye, but it wasn't enough.
I didn't used to cry about death, maybe it's just hormones but I seem to cry a lot more easily these days. I think at first I cried because I knew she didn't want a funeral, and I hate cremation mostly for my own selfish reason; it doesn't give me a stone with her name on it that I can visit, a specific landing point, a place I can rest her memory, something tangible even though she is gone. That's what I want. Then, within the hour of hearing she passed I was told she would have a Burial at Sea. Thank you Grandma Blanchard. I now have a physical place to put my memories and my missing you.
Things I remember about Grandma Blanchard. She bought me a book of paper dolls to play with once when I visited. I saw the book and thought how boring, how am I going to survive!? Paper dolls actually turned out to be very entertaining, and I can't wait to buy Amy her first set, once her cutting skills are a bit more refined. At night she would sit on the couch and let me sit on top of the couch by her shoulders and put pink sponge curlers in her hair. How can you not love a Grandma who lets you play with her hair just like Mrs. Piggle Wiggle? She took me to my first Opera, Phantom, and bought me my first Opera dress. Grandma thanks for bringing some culture into my life at 17. Her apartment smelled wonderfully of black coffee in the morning, maybe she is the reason I love coffee smells so much. She had all the dolls from Little Women. She set them out on the living room floor and described each of the girls Jo, Meg, Beth and Amy. I think Grandma thought of herself as a Jo. Grandma was so outspoken and a downright trouble maker, and I'm sure that's exactly how she wanted it. I love you Grandma, goodbye, till we meet again.