I am going to admit it, I have become a crybaby. It's almost that time of the month and I can feel my hormones on overdrive. Irritability, grumpiness, and frustration with simple tasks, check. Insane worry over things that don't really matter, check. Crying over silly things, check. I didn't
used to be this way, with the crying I mean. What happened? Three months ago I was a raging beast on PMS, and the last 2 months I have become a sobbing raging beast.
Second admission, I have PMDD, and I don't take pharmaceutical medication. To regulate the ups and downs I take Chaste Tree, an herbal supplement. It's definitely done it's job making the highs and lows not as high and not as low, but I still see a big difference in how I feel at the beginning of the month than how I feel at the end of the month. Hang out with me the first week of October and I will see the world through rose colored glasses. I will be full of energy, hope and enjoyment at everything that happens. The next two weeks I'll feel like a normal person nice and even tempered. The last week, should you see me, I would advise you to run like hell in the other direction.
So today I am home by myself missing the extended family dinner Mike's Grandma cooks religiously every Tuesday, because I'm afraid if anybody there looks me in the eye and says "how are you doing?" I will begin gushing sobs and not be able to find the off button.
Despite the emotional roller coaster I am riding, I'm a firm believer that the side effects of meds far outweigh the benefits, but I do acknowledge there are cases where a person would not be able to function without the use of medication. My weapons against the blues are:
Getting 8 hours of sleep, during the night, no more grave yard shifts for me.
Being outside as much as possible.
Chocolate & Coffee Ice Cream
and if all else fails cry.
Like Millicent Kramer says in Philip Roth's book Everyman
"Oh, I'm sorry, truly. I abhor tears."
"We all do," he (the man who is Everyman) told her, "but we cry anyway."